Monday, August 2, 2010

new loneliness

So recently I've spoken to my son's father's sister and she has become the type of person that I'm starting to think I might get frusterated with. She's had about 3 different partners that she's had kids with. The father of her oldest son ( who she claims to be her best friend. ), two almost teenagers( an ex convict..whom she had just recently made up with and has become best friends with as well.), then her youngest child..who's father she is actually dating at the moment. The time that I have spent with her in person, never did she once see or speak with them. And she aboslutely hated the father who was an inmate. But by a miracle now.. she believes that being best friends with the fathers is the up-most best solution for anyone's life. She claims she's at her best and is at peace with everything.

WRONG. That may be her style of life but it isn't at all mine. I've come to peace with how my life is and what my current situation is. Single & with the best thing that has happened to me; my son without having to be best friends with anyone.

The father of my son has yet to even appologize, speak to me, ask about his son, pay child support, or even put up any effort to see him or speak to him. As I recall, when he was given the chance to speak to my son he ran away and acted like a typical no good jerk.

Yes, I've come to peace and have no grudges against him for what he has done to our lives..but never would I even think of becoming best friends with a delinquent. There's no reason to. My son is better off and will remain better off. I mean, he already has his last what more.
To be honest, the only reason why I've come to terms and have come to peace and forgiven the ass is because in the books I love reading ( which deals with regressions, the past, memories, forgiveness, & so on so forth. ) the author states that if you want to move on from the situation your in right now & not have the people you've come to bad terms with so that it doesn't reoccur or they come appear in your next life, you must be at peace with everything. You must forgive them even without them having to appologize. That I've accomplished.

And in my own ways, I'm at peace with my life and with myself. I've grown strong, firm, & I've become a great believer of KARMA.

Who needs the mess when you've got the best in your current life...seriously.

If I was to ever even think of making up with my son's father, I know that things would be absolutely complicated. And complications isn't what I want in life. So therefore I think I'll remain the person I am and remain firm in my decision.

My decision is to definately take him to court one day, or hopefully somehow solve my problems without even having to appear in court. Either way, eliminate his rights. And have full custody without having any share time or any visitations.

After all it is he who destroyed my son's future. He was the one who left my son without his true father. All for stupidity. Now my son will probably grow up thinking he wasn't good enough. WHICH I HOPE WITH ALL MY HEART THAT NEVER HAPPENS. What parent wants their child to be sad and have to be thinking that he isn't worth the time or effort of being special to his father or even having a place in his own father's heart.

I know for a fact that I will raise my son with the most amazing amount of love, effection, & attention I have for him. We will be at our happiest. And I'll do whatever it is I need to do to keep my child closest to me and my heart. He is my heart. My feeling of warmth and home. Without him I am no one & nothing.

And in the end...we are ultimately fine on our own without the delinquients help.