Monday, May 31, 2010

Waiting for the sign off.

So recently I've come to realization that if ever anything was to happen to me that Riley wouldn't stay with my family but be sent off to his sperm-donor of a father. And I don't ever want that to happen. I can't imagine sending off my own flesh and blood into a situation or a type of life style where he clearly isn't wanted. And that is what stresses me out to the extreme.

So I've made it clear that so long as I'm alive and I have every will power to fight, I will fight for my son's right's & custody. I don't care what the extent is that I have to take.

My family and I have decided to speak to my lawyer soon so that he can hopefully guide us into the direction of either him speaking to or sending a letter to Ryan stating to give up his rights. Or for me to gain the courage to speak to him and convince him well enough to hand over the rights. Or simply just go to court. In my defense and in my son's defense... I would rather much love it if Ryan did give up his rights without any problems, but again who know's. I don't want it to come down to court. I don't feel that it is a kid's life. But if it is what it has to come down to then absolutely am I willing to go to court.

I love my son with every inch of my body, heart, soul, & mind. And I only want what's good for him. I want what is best for him in the end. And I know that if I can get rid of the problem earlier on in life then there isn't a reason to come back to it unless he, when he's older, ask's me. Mind you, I don't ever have a problem with telling who his birth father is...but I honestly don't see the point in it.

Obhama said something like... any fool can have a kid. But it's up to the man to step up to the plate and have the courage to be a father to that child.

Having a kid doesn't instantly make you a parent. It's the amount of love and effection and effort you put into that kid's day...into that kid's life.. that make's you his/her parent. A parent is someone whom you can look up to no matter what sitatuon your in. A parent is someone who is willing to do anything for their child. Someone who loves them to the extreme without any regrets in life or any problems. A child should never ever be a void in someone's life. They should be a GIFT. And yes, that's what they are.

A child is a gift from god. A sign from the heavens and earth that this is reason why you were put on this earth. And I know that feeling.

As much as Riley drives me insane with his active little mind & body...I LOVE HIM. I love every part of him. He is what makes me whole and I can't see myself without him. I don't know where I'd end up without him. He is my true connection to this earth. He is the bond to my heart. He is in the end.. what truely mended my heart and gave me the strength & the power to do what's right for us.

Because it is true. Any old fool can have a baby and not give a damn for it. Not love it. Get rid of it in some shape or form. And having a baby doesn't give you the rights to him/her. It's the relationship you form with that infant that makes everything worth wild. That give's you the title of parental or guardin.

In the end, I just want full custody. I don't ever want to think about what would happen if my son went to Virginia. I would stress it so much... on how he would be treated. If he would even be noticed by his own father. If he'd be loved and cared for. I would hate to find that my son would be treated like crap. I would hate to know that he would be treated as a worthless little thing in this world.

MY SON ISN'T WORTHLESS. He may be to Ryan. But he sure isn't worthless to me.

I can only hope and pray that all ends well. Because I want my child for me. For myself and not for any piece of scum that's out there.

I want what's best for my child. And in the case of something happening to me, I know for a fact, and I know from the bottom of my heart that Riley would be better off under the care of my parents, my family. Afterall we are the one's who have been there through thick and thin. We are the one's who gave our blood, sweat, and tears. We were the only ones in that hospital for days hoping that my little angel would get better. Even when he did come home, we still had the continous trips to the hospitals to make sure that everything was all right. We are the ones who pay for what is needed. Who pay for his medical bills and his daily essentials.

His sperm-donor of a father and the rest of the family from Ryan's side hasn't ever put anything into Riley's life. Yes, Ryan has. But only 9 times out of the entire time Riley has been alive. And that is nothing. THAT IS WORTHLESS.

He doesn't help or pitch in anymore. He doesn't give me anything for child support. He doesn't even bother wanting to talk, call, e-mail, IM or text...anything about his son. And when he was given the chance to talk to his son within this month of May, he ran out like a pussy. It clearly shows what type of a man...NO. What type of an ASSHOLE of a BOY he is.

I will fight for my son. No doubt.

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